Hope's Garden

Testing to see if this board actually attracts people in case I ever need to reach out for support. Just want to see if anyone will post a response to this....Thanks.

I'm here and hoping everyone will come back and use this board again now that it's been 'renovated'...i'm just too shy to be the first one to reach out and post about myself so hopefully others have more courage than me :/ although i don't really know what to say right now anyways...don't have words to describe except to say i'm struggling a lot right now...i've felt pretty down this week and feeling pretty hopeless...o.k now i just realized that i have started opening up :/ guess i should say i have more courage than i realized :) but now i think i'm going to stop for now
oh and welcome tiger_lily :) glad to see someone else here

Hi. Thanks for replying. I'm also struggling a lot and feeling really hopeless right now. Feeling worse now then before, crying all the time, and it feels like there's no one I can talk to because no one understands. I feel so alone. I mean I go to a support group, but like on a daily basis there's really no one to reach out to (like friends and whatnot, because no one wants to hear about this "stuff" all the time). I can't even talk to my family because they don't support me in this....

Wow I think i really understand what you mean, i feel so sad, depressed, lonely and very empty and i honestly wish so bad that i had someone to turn to for comfort - someone other than my cat :) - but i have no one to turn to either and i know what you mean it feels so alone and horrible...i am seeing a psychologist (its been over 2yrs) and i really started opening up to her and showing emotion but then several months ago i completely shut down again and i can't seem to find the courage to open up again and show the emotion that really is there...i keep putting on a smile and covering everything up when i'm around doctors now...i need to come out of hiding...i know i need support cause it makes the lonliness 10 times worse not too but...i don't know why i'm struggling so much with it...are you seeing a therapist/psychologist or someone? i sure hope so cause it sounds like that may be helpful but you're right you still have the day to day moment to moment to struggle with...it really sucks i know...i wish i could do more for you cause i know how much it hurts and eats away at you :(

FYI: just in case you were confused about your (tiger_lily) username showing up on my posts as well as your own..i already messaged hopes garden to get that fixed lol...it looks like you're talking to yourself :P so here's a note to anyone else who reads this....this is actually 2 DIFFERENT people having a discussion haha not just tiger_lily
--just had to mention that so people don't think someone is talking to him/herself-- :) :)
P.S In case your wondering...my username is 'defective' but i'm sure it'll be fixed soon anyways

Haha, I was thinking that same thing - that people are going to think I'm having a conversation with myself! Thanks for clarifying that and letting Hope's Garden know!

Now about all that other stuff.... Ya, I've been seeing counsellors on and off for years. I'm currently in between therapists because I'm on a waitlist to see a new one. I felt I needed a change because something wasn't working for me with my previous one. Even though she was really nice and I liked her, I wasn't making any progress at all so I thought it'd be worth trying something else. ...I know exactly what you mean about putting on a happy face for the therapist. I started doing the same thing because I felt so bad about not getting better that I at least wanted her to THINK things were okay (which I know kind of defeats the purpose of the whole thing!!) Even in support group, I don't feel comfortable expressing how I really feel because I don't want to be a downer - which again defeats the purpose of going to group! ...Ugh, this is terrible. I hate this so much, but at the same time the eating disorder is my one and only comfort - even though a tiny part of me knows that it's not a "real" comfort, that it just tricks you into thinking that it's comforting you....

Hi,
I too really want to see how the support works here, or if i get a reply. I am a 40 year old woman with Bulimia. I have suffered since in my twenties. I can deal with my problems(well emotionally). M problem is i now have an eleven year old daughter being bothered about her weight, and i am scared for her, and try to instill proper body image in her. I need help for both of us i guess, but now dealing with my daughter has me scared. I need some feedback on how to deal with someone else with a potential eating disorder.

Hi Nadine,
Nice to see someone else on here :) I can relate to your daughter's situation as I myself started suffering from my eating disorder when I was about 12. I'm 23 now and still struggling.... So it's really wonderful that you've been able to notice these signs in your daughter and that you aren't ignoring them. I think that's one of the most important things you can do - as well as just loving her unconditionally and being there for her judgment-free. (My parents never supported me with this and that only made things harder.) Is there a mother/daughter support group you could maybe go to...?

Hey everyone,

I've never talked to anyone about my bulemia but I am hoping that other people who are struggling with the same problem could help me out. I feel as though I should tell someone close to me about it but I am scared that they will judge me or tell other people, which I am terrified of. I was wondering if other people knew what you were going through and how they reacted or if you've kept it to yourself.

Also, how do support groups work? Do you have to talk about what you're going through or do you just sit and listen to more of a lecturer trying to help everyone as a whole get through it? I just can't bring myself to attend one yet, I am too nervous and scared.

Any advice you guys could give me would be great! Thanks!!

Hi Nadine and Volvomstone!

Its great to hear other people on here so we an support each other through these hard times.

As for Nadine, I as well have suffered from my eating disorder since my teens. Eating issues and body issues are are so hard for young girls, especially with so much attention around weight in the media. Growing up, what i lacked from my parents was support and encouragement and love. They never showed any signs that they were proud of me in what i've accomplished. Noticing in your daughter her strengths, talents, and individual personality is so important right now as she's developing into a young women. She needs to know that there is more to her than just her body. I know its tough cause we are all having difficulty with the issue. What i regret so much about my teens was not being able to love my body and "find my identity". I was so hung up on my weight that nothing else mattered. A mother/daughter support group would be great, but then also other mother/daughter activities. Like things she loves to do and is good at. I know it must be scary to see your daughter being so young and starting to have issues.

As for volcomstone, its great that you are on here. I completely understand how you want to tell people but are too scared. I've had that same problem. I've kept my eating disorder hidden from everyone around me, its been my little secret for my whole life. Its really hard to have all this bottled up. But I just don't have the right support people to tell. But it may not be the case for you, if you have a loving family or even just one great friend who you trust, than I think its important to let someone else know, because i'm sure they'd offer great support. But if you find that you can't trust them or they can be supportive then I suggest at least talking to a professional (doctors) and going to groups. Because keeping this to yourself, you'll find that you just build up feelings of shame and guilt. I find support groups are really helpful because everyone in there understands.

i hope this helps!

Kate, I'm sorry you haven't had people you could confide in about this. Hopefully we can provide you with at least some support :)

I agree with your advice for Volcomstone. As hard as it may be to take that step, if you can find someone whom you absolutely trust it can feel really good getting this out because it makes it worse to keep it inside. I kept my problem a secret til 2 years ago at which point I slowly started feeling people out to see who I could confide in. And when I finally told someone, I felt so much better. Then it got a little easier so I eventually confided in a few more. Like my therapist told me, eating disorders are all about hiding, isolation, keeping secrets and feeling ashamed; in order to break the hold the disorder has on you, you have to break that silence because by doing so you start to take away the disorder's power.

Volcomstone, to answer your question about support groups.... You basically get together and talk about your issues. Or you can just be present and listen to other people without saying anything - whatever works for you. The group has a facilitator (like a therapist or social worker, or someone trained in eating disorders) who "runs" the group. They basically keep things on track and make sure everyone is okay. They can also offer guidance, feedback, advice, etc. As scary as it was for me to attend my first group (15 months ago), I'm so glad I did. It's one of the best things I've ever done. I've been attending a group ever since. ....Also remember that everyone is scared their first time so everyone in the group would know exactly what your experiencing, which hopefully would make things a little easier :) But don't force it. When the time feels right for you to take this step then you will. Just be patient with yourself :)

Hey,
Sorry I haven't gotten back to responding in awhile but I just wanted to thank you guys for your responds. I've talked to my doctor about it but it's my friends and family I don't think I can tell because I can't see any of them understanding. I plan to make it out to a support group in the near future, knowing that I don't necessarily have to speak up myself makes me feel a lot better about things. It's just a relief to know that other people are struggling with the same problems and that we all don't have to go through this completely alone.

Hey there,
I had an eating disorder for nine years and experienced many of the same thoughts you guys did. It was an extremely tough time in my life but I made it through and got better so there is hope for all of you. Any fears you have or any questions feel free to discuss with me. I found when I spoke to people who had been through it and survived it I felt better about things. I wish you all the best in your recovery :)

Hi Loretta,
I know this is a really broad question with no real "answer" because it's different for everyone, but I'm just curious to get insight into different peoples' experiences with recovery in the hopes of maybe having it help me with my own.... If you don't mind me asking, was there anything in particular that was really helpful for you in getting over this disorder? Like was there anything specific that you'd attribute your recovery to? Maybe connecting with a certain person in your life or maybe letting go of one, moving to a new city, getting a new job - something along those lines? I realize it's not that simple and maybe there was nothing like that for you, but I just feel like I've been dealing with this for so long and I still don't know what it's going to take for me to get out of it....

Hi Loretta,
I know this is a really broad question with no real "answer" because it's different for everyone, but I'm just curious to get insight into different peoples' experiences with recovery in the hopes of maybe having it help me with my own.... If you don't mind me asking, was there anything in particular that was really helpful for you in getting over this disorder? Like was there anything specific that you'd attribute your recovery to? Maybe connecting with a certain person in your life or maybe letting go of one, moving to a new city, getting a new job - something along those lines? I realize it's not that simple and maybe there was nothing like that for you, but I just feel like I've been dealing with this for so long and I still don't know what it's going to take for me to get out of it....

Hi Loretta,
I know this is a really broad question with no real "answer" because it's different for everyone, but I'm just curious to get insight into different peoples' experiences with recovery in the hopes of maybe having it help me with my own.... If you don't mind me asking, was there anything in particular that was really helpful for you in getting over this disorder? Like was there anything specific that you'd attribute your recovery to? Maybe connecting with a certain person in your life or maybe letting go of one, moving to a new city, getting a new job - something along those lines? I realize it's not that simple and maybe there was nothing like that for you, but I just feel like I've been dealing with this for so long and I still don't know what it's going to take for me to get out of it....

Hey girl! I honestly can't pinpoint it down to one specific thing and am still uncertain sometimes as to how I even did it. I started going to a wonderful church in London and I know that it helped clear my head a lot and made me want to get better. I also hadn't worked for a few years cause i was too ill but i finally became able to get a job which did help as i no longer had the time to exercise as much. It is a very tough thing to overcome and at the time I never thought I would survive it but surprisingly I did and life is getting better although i do have the occasional day where 'anorexia' feels like it is trying to pull me back but i am strong enough to know i don't want to go through that again. I'm not sure if that helped at all but feel free to ask anything anytime. I no longer feel ashamed about having the disease and all i want now is to help anyone else in anyway i can. i know it helps to be able to chat with someone who was in the same situation and to realize you are never alone. I am here for you and hope that you will find the strength to beat this too. :)

This message is for Nadine.I am so glad there is someone here I can realate to as far as age .I am also 40 yrs old.I have been dealing with disordered eating since I was 14 yrs old.There have been times here and there where I seemed to de doing ok but whenever I tried to do it myself the problems would return.I also have a daughter she is 9.Lat year i found her in her room crying when I asked what was wrong she told me the kids at school were telling her she was fat.She is such a beautiful little girl and isn't even close to being fat.Well I have been there and i just started to cry too because It brought me back to when I got teased.It really hurts and stays with you all your life.My kids are noticing my disordered eating and I want to protect her as well so she doesn't fall into the cycle zI'm in.I am not considered anorexic because Im not underweight and I still menstruate.Its so hard to fix something that you've done for 26 yrs .I am going to see a counselor next week so i hope somehow this will help.I just don't see me getting fully better because I don't want to put any weight on. I just wanted you to know that there is others out there that are dealing with these problems too.Maybe we can support each other through this post.Hope to hear freom you soon.Good luck!

My mom and my sister suffer from eating disorders. My sister now has kids. We went to the community event at the NEDIC conference. This community event was a presentation by the author of "I'm like so fat: helping your teen make healthy choices about eating and exercise in a weight obsessed world". The author, Dianne Neumark-Stzainer, said she does research to prevent eating disorders in teenagers. Her presentation was great and I'm looking forward to reading the book--I bought it at the event! There are lots of other books at the Hope's Garden Library like "101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body". http://www.hopesgarden.org/resources/library

I have read this book, Your Child's Weight: Helping without Harming by Ellyn Satter. It was helpful!

hi im new to this hopes garden but i really need support right now for about 2 years i have had anorexia and have tried multiple times to make a recovery unfortunately i relapsed twice and i am now once again trying to recover only this time i am facing the possibility of a treatment center in London at the beginning of my grade nine year i want more than anything to get better but i dont believe that i am at the point where treatment away from home is necessary ( i am NOT incredibly underweight at this point) and i truly believe i can do this with support from others i guess what i am asking is does any one have a similar story or piece of advice to motivate me or put my mind at ease.

Hi
Responding to the last comment. I am a bit older then you...but understand completely...as do most people on this site. It is a great way to find people that we can relate too. I also have anorexia - have not been in hospital yet but they told me if i continued i would. I just don't think i'm that skinny to be in critical care yet.
You have to find the underlying issue of why you are not eating though - and then work from there. It might be really hard...but it will then help.
I'm here if you need me

hi.
um I have noticed that most people posting are girls. I am a young man that is currently suffering from bulimia. it is a very serious condition. well disorder. I think that I don't like think about my weight as I use to when I had been anorexic and then worked my way into anorexia athletica I guess when I get into trying to do 'healthy' excersizing as a alternative I go alittle over board.um. I don't know it really sucks because I think about people who just don't worry about anything when they eat something. and like it makes me feel really bad lie when anyone makes like a generally nice meal for me because I know and they know that I won't enjoy it, it's come to the poin where no one really stops me, it is expected to happen. I don't know what I am going to do or how ready I am. I talk to the doctors, and they think I should jus stop. but it's not like that. I have been holding back from thinking it's an issue and I think I'm possibly ready to seek a group and help.