Hope's Garden

Hi I'm new to this discussion board. I've been struggling with my eating disorder for about 6 years now. Some periods are worse than others, but just recently since about November it has gotten out of control. Right now it has been the worst ever, it has taken complete control over my life. I don't know what to do, and where to go for help. It's everyday, from the moment i wake up in the morning and feel so guilty all day. I don't know how to stop this habit before its too late.

Hi Kate,
I'm stuggling as well. I know exactly the feelings you're talking about, how it literally takes over every waking moment of your life because all you think about is your disordered habit. Just letting you know you're not alone and glad you've joined the discussion board so we can all support each other. :) By the way, have you ever gone to a support group? I know that just going to one doesn't magically make everything go away but sometimes it can help, even if only a little bit.

Hi tiger lily,

Thanks for the response and your concern. Yes i struggle. Yes i've been to support groups and they've been really helpful. Well helpful in the way that they make me feel better for at least 2 hours of a never-ending week. I just feel really hopeless and just want to get rid of this disease.

also i wanted to know if you, or anyone else could offer insights, have been to treatment before.

i was looking into the credit valley treatment program, but wanted to talk to someone first about it.

I know, I feel hopeless too. I feel like this thing is never going to go away. There are short periods of time here and there when I feel like I'm more or less alright and so I think things are starting to get better, but then inevitably I revert back to my old behaviours and ways of thinking.... It's indescribably frustrating. But as hopeless as we may be feeling, hopefully this board can be one place where we gain some strength.

As for your other question, I don't have any insight to offer on treatment programs unfortunately. Hopefully someone else will be able to shed some light on that.

can i just say that I feel like you are reading my mind! i understand completely when you say that there are short periods where you feel fine and think that you can better on your own and its not a real problem, but then a bad day strikes and everything falls out of place again. it really is frustrating, because you don't want to admit that you have a real problem.

And I too feel like this will never go away and that i'm going to struggle for the rest of my life. and all i want is some miracle and quick-fix, like one day i'm going to wake up and i will be able to eat normally. but i know that thats not going to happen, and this is a journey. A hard one, but a journey that we must go through towards recovery.

This might sound kinda cheesey and maybe you've already done something like this but it's something I've recently done and I thought I'd put out there.... For the longest time, I've been having a really hard time trying to find something to hold on to; something to help keep me strong through all of this when I feel like my world is falling apart. So a few weeks ago I went out and I bought myself an inspirational neckalce with these 4 ring-pendants that say hope, strength, courage and joy. Those were the things I felt like I'd lost and wanted to regain, so having these things physically around my neck is like a constant reminder of what I'm fighting for. I've been wearing it all the time ever since. It's become like a part of me. Although I'm still struggling, my heart does feel a little lighter and I do feel a little stronger than before.