Hope's Garden

Hi there I have confided to a friend that I think I have an eating disorder.I am 40 yrs old and have been dealing with disordered eating since I was 14 yrs old.Before that I was always teased about being chubby.I hated myself..this has carried on throughout my life(hateing myself) I have always had a low self esteem.Now Im dealing with fluid retention and Im misserable because I feel like a water balloon .it makes me feel fat.I am very obsessed with my weight .I weigh myself everyday and am brought to tears when the scale goes up a pound or 2.I am not considered unerweight so Im not considered to be anorexic or Bulimic.I never really thought I had a problem until I searched the internet about fluid retention and stumbled upon an eating disorder site and then started to realize I might have a problem.I just moved here and have a new doctor ..I told him about this and was totally humiliated by his response ..he didn't think It was a serious matter.So now I feel so confused do I have a problem or not?He made me feel like I was overreacting.I filled out a test on-line and was told from it that I should seek some kind of help.I just want someone to tell me that they believe it is possiblt ED-NOD that I am dealing with.From what I learned ED-NOD is what they consider you if you don't fit the criterie for anorexia because you are not underweight and still menstruating.Does anybody think I should continue seeking help or not?Hope to hear from someone!

I am replying to my own post to fix a mistake Its ED-NOS not ED-NOD that I am referring to!

Hi Hilda,

I've heard from other women that they've had similar experiences with doctors (they were told that they're fine and they're just "overreacting"). That makes me very angry. There's nothing worse than confiding in a (medical) professional who's supposed to help you and not getting their support. It's unfortunate how little some doctors know about eating disorders. I know it might be difficult, but try to see if you can maybe find a doctor who is knowledgable on the subject and has worked with patients who have eating disorders. If you can't find what you're looking for in terms of a physician, perhaps finding a good therapist is what could help you. I think that if YOU feel that you have a problem and if it's been going on for over 20 years and continues to control your life then it's something worth addressing. Maybe the right therapist can help you figure out if you have a "problem" or not. Because really, although eating disorders are "about food" and weight and all that, at their very core they are not ACTUALLY just "about the food". It goes so much deeper than that. So maybe the therapist could help you figure out and deal with what's behind it all....

I hope this has helped in some way! :)

Thanks for responding.I have been learning that it goes much deeper than just being food related.I guess Im kind of scared of the fact that I have some issues from my past that Ive never dealt with.Throughout my life Ive always felt invisible to others.I have always been shy and never spoke up.I have been hurt in the past not physically ,just never felt important to anyone I guess.It sticks with you deep down and it hurts.I am at home and don't work so being home allday makes it hard.I just find it hard sometimes to wait to talk to someone.I just hope my counselor can get me to open up..Ive never been to a counselor ever in my life and am a bit nervous about it.My husband went with me the first visit he is trying to be supportive but I don't think he really understands all of this.Its not hard to hide things from him I have been doing it for 2o yrs .Its hard to tell him things sometimes because Im not sure he will understand all of it.Thanks for responding.

As having an ED myself, I found out that is wasn't just about the food as well. It's something deeper than that...and it's just a way of coping with it. For myself, my grandpa is really sick and i can not bear losing him, so i guess i just turn to this as a way of coping.
I really hope you can find a good doctor...some social workers /counsellors are also good ideas. If the doctor does not consider this as a major problem (as do some people as well....i.e. "just eat...it's not that hard"..) then it's better to change to one that does.
Hope it helps.

you found this site,,that is fantastic,,we knoow our own inner thoughts better than anyone else.If you think you have a problem then PLease pursue it and get well...One day at a time...so much help available to us. just takes the courage to do it, good luck.:)

soor should have posted for Hilda :)